Where's The Bathroom?

I've fallen and I can't get up!

There is a hiking joke that goes something like this:

A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods.

The bear asks the rabbit, 

"Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"

"Nope" says the rabbit.

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.

It's a delicate subject, but I'm sure inquiring minds want to know...yes, I go to the bathroom in the woods. Peeing has few requirements: privacy, a thirsty bush, stand with your back to the wind (a surprisingly important step) and take care of business. Pooping has additional requirements: a more remote location, dirt soft enough to dig a hole, a stick to dig with, a zip lock baggie of toilet paper and the ability to squat like a baseball catcher and wipe at the same time. Now if I could just keep the mosquitoes from biting my bottom while I'm in position...