You Choose The Title

I attempted to cross a river this morning. Below are some possible blog titles that tell the story. When you read the titles, no further explanation will be needed. You pick your favorite.

• Just Another River Crossing
• I Don't Want To Take Off My Shoes And Wade Across
• Hopping From Rock To Rock Is An Option
• Look, That Guy Just Did It And It Looked Easy!
• It Only Looks Easy...
• Trekking Poles Offer A False Sense Of Security When Crossing Rivers
• Slippery When Wet...
• A Morning Bath!
• Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming
• Is That Blood In The Water?
• It's Normal To Bleed More In The Mountains...Right?
• Mosquitoes are Like Sharks...They Can Smell Blood!
• Is It Just Me Or Did It Get Really Cold?
• How Long Was My iPhone Under Water?
• Which Is Easier To Dry Out, An iPhone Or A Roll Of Toilet Paper?
• At  Least I Had An Audience!
• We're Not Laughing At You, We're Laughing With You
• Anyone Have A Dry YouBandaid?
• Are You Sure Your Name Isn't Butter Feet?
• Squish, Squish, Squish, Squish...
• I Need A Pop tart To Brighten My Day

PostScript:

I dried out my phone for two days before trying to turn it on. (That took a lot of self control.) On the morning of my birthday, I hit the power button and PTL I was back in business! The toilet paper is another matter...The boo boo on my knee is healing nicely and the hikers who witnessed the event have been sworn to secrecy. All is good on the PCT!

Where's The Bathroom?

I've fallen and I can't get up!

There is a hiking joke that goes something like this:

A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods.

The bear asks the rabbit, 

"Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"

"Nope" says the rabbit.

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.

It's a delicate subject, but I'm sure inquiring minds want to know...yes, I go to the bathroom in the woods. Peeing has few requirements: privacy, a thirsty bush, stand with your back to the wind (a surprisingly important step) and take care of business. Pooping has additional requirements: a more remote location, dirt soft enough to dig a hole, a stick to dig with, a zip lock baggie of toilet paper and the ability to squat like a baseball catcher and wipe at the same time. Now if I could just keep the mosquitoes from biting my bottom while I'm in position...

Happy Birthday To Me!

A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse! William Shakespeare

Eva asked me what I wanted for my birthday...I'm guessing this is not it! While in Bishop, CA, I chatted with the owner of this amazing machine and he allowed me to sit on it and pose for a picture. Did I mention I still have my motorcycle license? This would get me to Canada much faster, but I think I better finish what I started and keep walking!

Trail Humor

There is an online email based forum for people to ask questions or share information about the Pacific Crest Trail. There are some people who also like to share some humor. Here is just one example:

One day Grizzly and TrailDust decided to join the 21st century and buy cell phones.  They especially liked to send text messages.  Grizzly was a more no-nonsense PCT guy and TrailDust was more romantic in her text messages. One afternoon TrailDust went out to meet a friend for coffee. Afterwards, she decided to send Grizzly a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.  I love you."
Grizzly replied: "I'm on the toilet.  Please advise."

Keep calm and hike on.

Where is P-LO?

Where on the trail is P-LO? Well, I'm glad you asked! There is a new, really cool, high tech (I love it already) feature on the web based PCT planning site called Craigs PCT Planner. It's still in beta so if it doesn't work, don't worry, I'm not lost, dead, or sitting in a hotel room in Los Vegas hiding. It shows you a text based map of the Pacific Crest Trail using major landmarks and resupply locations to give you some idea of where I am on the trail on any given month, day, hour, second...you get the idea. You should be able to find my name: P-LO on the map. You might even be able to click my name and end up back at my website. Here is the link. Go ahead press it. I promise your computer won't blow up. Craig's PCT Planner

Any opinions expressed are my own, and generally unpopular with others. Actual mileage may vary. Price does not include tax, handling and shipping. Some assembly required. Each sold separately. Batteries not included. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. If conditions persist, contact a physician. Keep out of reach of children. Avoid prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. Keep in a cool dark place. Subject to change without notice.

Trash Talk

Click image to view original

Long distance hikers sometimes refer to themselves as hiker trash. It is a badge of honor in the hiking community, so no offense is meant or taken. Below is some fun hiker "trash talk." You might be hiker trash IF...

1. your wallet is a Ziploc baggie
2. you can "feel" a storm coming
3. you can be alone and still be happy
4. your spoon is your fork
5. most of your friends don't know your "real" name
6. you mail things to yourself
7. your REI dividend is your retirement fund
8. you can survive for days on nothing but Ramen and gorp
9. you can't walk straight without your pack
10. you choose restaurants in town based on free WiFi and electrical outlets
11. you’ve had to lie down for a few hours after eating a meal in town
12. you wear $20 socks but wash them in the Dunkin Donuts bathroom
13. you eat enough sour candy to talk about them like they’re drugs
14. a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is a normal serving of ice cream
15. you break your titanium spoon on Nutella in cold weather
16. you try to fry a Honey Bun in butter to add calories
17. you’ve been mistaken for a homeless person by an actual homeless person and you’re too embarrassed to tell them that you’re only on vacation
18. you’ve been given money because some thought you were homeless
19. you completely forget what an ‘inside voice’ sounds like
20. you have run stark raving mad through the woods because the stalker bee that has been flying around your head for hours finally "got to you"
21. you’ve spent a cold or rainy night in the restroom of a state park
22. you’ve repackaged the food you just bought into Ziploc baggies in front of the store
23. you’ve searched restaurants for "free" packets of condiments in trail towns
24. you have duct tape somewhere on your body
25. you’ve suspended the 5 second rule when food dropped on the ground.
26. you find an M&M in the dirt and eat it
27. you consider Snickers bars a food group
28. you consider it perfectly normal to go weeks without bathing
29. you’ve diced Spam or Vienna Sausages into your Kraft Mac & Cheese
30. you’ve begged food from strangers in state parks

Vote for your favorite or add to the list!